Editor’s Note: Does it strike you as a bit funny that when Denny Hamlin gave Kez the chrome horn in that last Nationwide Series race of the season that “God Speaks” was the sponsor? Me too. today, we check in with former roots racer and jack of all trades John “Dawg” Chapman for some driver/ sponsor pairings that really make sense.
We all know that NASCAR is sponsor driven. What is it that makes corporate America decide to write that big check? Is it because they like racing, and want to help? That used to be true at the local level.
My first sponsor was the neighborhood Phillips 66 station. They let us use the lift. Gave us a couple of cases of oil, and 5 gallons of gas a week. I’m not too sure that they got their moneys worth!
Unfortunately things aren’t that simple anymore- particularly in today’s tough times businesses do need to be sure that they
get their moneys worth. In these tough times, I’ve decided to step up, and help some teams find sponsors, and maybe help others find some better ones.
Kyle Busch…. I don’t know, I just don’t see him as a candy salesman. I do think he’d make an excellent front man for Burton Snow Boards, or a skateboard company, with maybe associate sponsorship from Guitar Hero.
Tony Stewart….Old Spice? I know that this company makes more than aftershave, but come on, every time I think about a guy who shaves maybe once a week, pushing Old Spice, I have to smile.
I’m not going to stoop low enough to make jokes about his physique, besides if you saw the picture of him sitting around in his tighty whities, I don’t have to. Let’s just say I don’t think he logs as much gym time a week as Mark Martin.
One thing I think everyone would agree on is that Tony delivers.
Seems like a slam dunk for Dominoes Pizza, with maybe an associate from Old Milwaukee.
Mark Martin….If you’re expecting some lame joke about Viagra, you’re too late! I made them all, years ago. I just have my doubts about how effective he is at selling Kellogg’s Cereal, and Delphi products. After all, I expect that Mark’s usual breakfast consists of a cup of low fat yogurt, with some chopped fresh fruit in it. Delphi makes cutting edge car audio equipment. Their best front man is
someone who probably listens to Barry Manilow? Mark’s best bet would be Gold’s Gym. If he had a cereal sponsor, I would think Koshi Go Lean might be a better choice. Another good possibility for Mark would be any company that used Dick Clark for it’s pitch man.
Dale Jr.….. Probably the most laid back guy in the garage, sponsored by Amp energy drink. If he really drank that stuff he’d be so hyped he wouldn’t be able to stand still for an interview.
I do think Wrangler Jeans, maybe the Relaxed Fit (he usually seems so relaxed.) Are just about perfect for him. Maybe Laidbackracing.com would be a good associate. Come on guys turn loose of some of that money you’re making.
Kasey Kahne…. Budweiser I’m not sure about this either. If I were running the company, FREE BEER, for everyone! Oops, sorry about that. I had a power rush just thinking about it.
Anyway, if I were running it I’m not sure I’d want a spokesman who probably gets carded every time he walks into a bar. Besides, after that commercial with him dancing in the firesuit, or his PJ’s or
whatever it was with the little pink, and purple hearts all over it. I for sure wouldn’t him repping my beer. The Allstate Girls did seem to resonate. I’m thinking something like maybe, E-Harmony. As he seems so cuddleable, maybe Kevin LePage’s old sponsor, Vermont Teddy Bears would be good as an associate.
Robby Gordon….This is a hard one, because I thought Jim Beam, and Robby were a match made in marketing heaven!
All good things have to end so we have to find a replacement.
With the variety of things Robby races, How about Bad Boyz Toyz?
With as an associate, Frank Sinatra’s music company,I Did it My Way.
John Wes Townley…. If Zaxby decides to leave, my vote would go to Racingjunk.com. My wife has tried to block this site on my computer, but so far she hasn’t figured out how. Maybe Warren Buffett could be coaxed to come on as an associate.
Matt Kenseth….DeWalt is pulling out. That means Matt needs a new sugardaddy. My first choice would be Train Furnace. Nothing sexy, or really exciting about them, they just come on when they’re supposed to and do their job. Just like Matt. The thing Matt needs most is Robby Reiser back. That’s just not going to happen. Associate could have been Checker Motor Co. Again, nothing fancy, just getting the job done. Matt may well be the most underrated driver in Cup. So why not products people take for granted also?
Casey Mears….Sorry guys, I’m good, but not that good. I can’t quite put my finger on what he’d be good at selling.I do think we can eliminate Target, Texaco/Haveline, National Guard/GMAC,
Kellogg’s, and Jack Daniel’s. Unless he’s willing to do a makeover, it’s probably not going to be Fantastic Sam’s, or Super Cuts either.
Check back tomorrow for more matches made in Marketing Heaven.
Or in some cases, a little lower.
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danica and ritilan..mark martin and oil of olay…jimmy johnson and no-doze…
You are so so so wrong…Stewart is known to shave “almost” daily (and maybe a time or two a week the old back gets a going over). AND you are even more wrong about Martin..If you have the chance you need to delve into what is on his Ipod…from what I understand he is into some pretty heavy stuff!
We can all agree that Jamie McMurray does not fit with Bass Pro Shops. See him maybe working better with something more Starbucks like. Or maybe Apple.
Kind of ironic that Kurt Busch is sponsored by Miller Lite.
Carl Edwards goes very well with Subway (lots better than Tony Stewart unless that was how he was going to slim down).
Paul Menard goes amazinig with Menards (even if they weren’t his last name). I really see him as a hardware store kind of person. One question though; Why are they never on the hood?
AJ Allmendinger seems to fit well with Best Buy.
Bobby Labonte and Tax Slayer, not so much.
Boris Said was awesome witih No Fear. Why did that stop?
Scott Speed and Red Bull. His name just makes it pure awesome.
@Josie. Yeah, I heard that Martin likes to listen to hip-hop, namely 50 Cent. Sounds like his tastes are all over the map. I do like the Gold’s Gym idea nad Go Lean. As for Stewart, I’m not sure we’re talkign the same guy. It seems like he is just as often unshaved as he is shaved. Oh well, not to be taken seriously.
@ Rob
Yeah, No-Doze, is a good one. JJ is up tomorrow.
I used to race with a guy named Wendy Williams, His nick name was the “Hollywood Flash” He furnished me with one of my favorite racing quotes. He said “I’m running so much ether in my gas, that I have to take No-Doze to drive this thing.”
@ Josie, You’re correct about Mark, I’ve heard he likes Rap, It just didn’t fit. I took a little poetic licence.
As for Tony, I though the pic. of him setting around in his undies was bad enough. Now you’ve put the picture in my head, of him getting his back waxed. Thanks a lot, girl.
@ Zach, You’re right about Bobby, Helio, is a slam dunk for Tax-Slayer.
As for Red Bull, I predicted that Kyle, after missing the chase last season. Would hit it like a “Pit Bull on Red Bull” instead he hit it like a “Puppy, on Prozac.”
Now that you mention it, If Sprint were to pull out as title sponsor. No-Doze would be a great replacement. Just think of all the implications.
Mark Martin likes hip-hop, and I am not kidding. He likes 90s gangsta rap as well as new stuff.
I swear to God I am not making this up, because jokes like this aren’t funny. Look around on the Internet and you may be able to find it for yourself. It is a big joke among the NASCAR media.
Have we all forgotten that one of Stewart’s co-sponsors is Burger King? I like Tony but he needs to lay off the Whoppers.
@Janine. I’ts an observation not lost on me, because the physique is one similarity (besides being a lefty) that I share with Stewart. Only for me, I’m competing in the “Biggest Loser” at work.
Jim, good luck with that. I didn’t know Tony is a lefty. Thanks for sharing that.
@Jr. is too.
You missed it with Tony Stewart. I get what you say about Old Spice, but come on, BURGER KING? That’s a perfect match! And now he’s adding Ritz/Oreo. I think Tony has it going on.
btw, you are scaring me with rumors of pictures of him in tightie whities….
Maybe if Jimmy Spencer got back behind the wheel and he tangled with Shrub like he did his brother, Shrub might need Poligrip for a sponsor.
Trojan condoms should be the official sponsor of NASCAR. It would give the fans and drivers a sense of security while they’re being fornicated.
Maybe Exlax could be a sponsor for Richard Childress Racing. After last year, they really need something to make them go.
I could swear that Smoke looked slimmer in 2009 when Burger King was a sponsor than in 2008 when Subway was one of his sponsors. Maybe that’s why Subway moved to Carl Edwards? In any event, sponsor heaven was Bud and Dale Jr.
Casey Mears, maybe the Magic 8 Ball. with the words “Magic Ball will I be with this team next season?”
I think that Jamie Mc Murray should be doing commericals for Victoria’s Secrets rather than Bass Pro Shop.. I mean you can look at him and tell that the only time he stayed outside was for his sun tan. He may have had too stay outside once while the beauty salon opened up, but that was probably only a minute or two. If Victoria’s can’t sponsor him, maybe he could get Harliquin Romance novels too sponser him. They could have him and Danica on as sales people. I bet the y would sale more that month than Playboy would.
That would happen. Jamie McMurray and Danica Patrick. The only reason it wouldn’t be Danica and Brad Keselowski or Danica and Kasey Kahne, is McMurray is so un-NASCAR like. It looks like he belongs at the Democratic Party National Convention more than at a nascar race.
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