2009 “Speed Bump” Awards, Part II

In the same way that the NASCAR awards banquet goes on and on, so do the Bump Drafts “Speed Bump” awards. While we won’t have any slurred speeches or video presentations slowed by technical glitches like some awards do, we still have lots of fun.

Today- the slightly more irreverent members of our team hand out their awards. Call them politically incorrect, call them crazy, but don’t call them late for Happy Hour, here’s Mr. Jeremy “T” Sellers, mostly live from “Jerm’s Joint Racing Pub,” in the Buckeye state of Ohio, and John “Dawg” Chapman, representing NASCAR nation with pride from the Volunteer State of Tennessee….

Let’s start with Jeremy:

“Live, from behind the bar at Jerm’s Joint Racing Pub, Brewery, and Winery; it’s the first ever JJ awards!  Now, to introduce the inaugural winners, here’s Jerm!

*applause*

"Thank you very much, it’s an honor to be here in my own bar, fabricating a true tongue-in-cheek look back at the 2009 NASCAR season.  Without further adieu, this is my list of awards and their recipients:"

1. The "I’ll kick your ass!  No, I’ll kick YOUR ass!" Award goes to Brad Keselowsi and Denny Hamlin for bringing back the old school rivalry fans have been missing.

2.  "Best Daisy Chain at 185 mph" goes to the entire field at the November Talladega Race

3. "Actor of the Year"…this was a tough one that came down between Dave Blaney and Joe Nemechek.  After all, who else could come up with SO many excuses to park a car a few laps into a race?

4.  "Cal Naughton Award" has to be Mark Martin, AGAIN for coming in second in the point standings.  He truly deserved the trophy.

5.  "Maybe This Week Award" hands down goes to the Dale Jr. fans, like myself, who always held that false sense of optimism week after week.

6.  "Better Late Than Never" goes to Mike Helton for admitting NASCAR had become "too sterile and that’s not good for the sport" after the conclusion of the race at Homestead.

7. "WTF" goes to Daytona International Speedway for tearing down almost a quarter of the Superstretch Grandstands to put in an amusement park.

8.  In the same breath, "Hell Ya Award" goes to Daytona International Speedway for moving the start time for the 2010 500 up to 1:00 PM.  It may not look like it on TV folks, but trust me, it’s been cold the last couple seasons, especially finishing at nght.

9. "Hey Kid, Break A Leg Award" goes to Carl Edwards, for, well, breaking a leg.

10. Last, but certainly not least, the "Na Nanny Boo Boo Award" was earned by Stewart/Haas Racing for definitely proving the naysayers wrong and having one hell of an inaugural season under Tony Stewart’s ownership.

…thanks for coming, and we look forward to seeing you all back here in 2010, goodnight!"

Thanks Jerm. How about a “Sierra Nevada Pale Ale” while you’re up. Now- let’s here from John “Dawg” Chapman….

The Alfred E. Newman, “What, me worry?" Award goes to, Brian,"Why do all my pictures look like Mug Shots," France

The “When Will I Be Loved” Award  goes to Jimmie Johnson.No confirmation from NASCAR yet on the rumor that he will have to run a V6 next season.

The “It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time” (otherwise known as The Has my Christmas Card from Sam Bass come yet?) Award: You Guessed it. It goes to Kyle Busch.

The “Little Things Mean A Lot” Award goes to Carl Long

The Greatful Dead “What A Long Strange Trip It’s Been,” Award goes to Michael Waltrip, whose driving career is mercifully, winding down.

The “What A Difference A Year Makes” Award co-winners are Jack Roush, Richard Childress, and all their drivers.

The “Tiger Woods, ‘I Think I May Have A PR Problem’” Award goes to Jeremy Mayfield. (Or is that the “Jeremy Mayfield, I think I may have a PR problem,” Award. In that case the winner is Tiger Woods.)

The “I May Be Slow, But I’m Ahead Of You” Award Goes to Kyle Busch and Matt Kenseth- presented by Brian Vickers.

The “One Is The Loneliest Number” Award goes to what’s left of DEI.

The “Pinch Me, I May Be Dreaming” Award goes to James Finch and Brad Keselowski

The Robert Earl Keene “The Road Goes On Forever, and The Party Never Ends” Award goes to Mark Martin

The “What was I thinking, Was I drinking?” Award goes to Jeff Gordon for telling Rick Hendrick  "You need to take a look at this kid named Jimmie Johnson."

The “Job Security” Award, presented by all the guys in the fab shop- co-winners Steve Wallace and David Stremme

The “Wait ‘Til Next Year” Award goes to fans of the Chicago Cubs, as well as fans of any driver not named Jimmie Johnson

The “It’s Great To Be Me” Award Goes to Paul Menard

The “Wake Me When It’s Over” Award- presented to all the NASCAR fans who were put to sleep by the racing this season

Thanks for stopping by. Tomorrow, I will present my “Music as NASCAR Awards”- the 2009 edition.

PHOTO CREDITS-Kez in the fence at Homestead by Christa Thomas. To see more, click on the link ,or visit flickr.com. Dale Jr. and Jeff Gordo n with Mark Martin by Jason Smith/ Getty Images. Brian France aka “Alfred E. Newman- courtesy of Mad Mikie at laidbackracin. com.