Hey race fans! Miss Mustang Jackie is back in the house this week. She’s handed to me a fresh batch of classified ads for the next edition of the Turn Two Tradin’ Post. I found a couple of more to add as NASCAR officials, team management, drivers, crew and fans address their early season needs.
TV FOR TRADE
Willing to trade my big screen TV for any TV that shows Dale Jr. winning a race. He never wins on mine. Contact Bubba at: annointed-one88@wahoo.com
BABYSITTER NEEDED: Our son needs a sitter for when we go out on Saturday nights. He goes to bed at 8:00pm after a warm glass of milk and a bedtime story. 95% travel and must like Home Depot. Call Mr. Logano.
Want to join the excitement of being in a NASCAR pit crew? We have an immediate opening for someone to sweep feathers and pick up duck poo behind the wall during races. #99 T-shirt furnished for nominal fee.
Call Roush-Fenway Racing and ask for Carl.
FOR SALE: 2009 Ford F-150 truck. Low mileage, comes with authentic racing wheels, Goodyear tires and factory installed roll bar. Slight hood damage. Will take best offer.
Contact me at: colinbraun6@wahoo.com
WANTED: Gas can man on NASCAR pit crew. Must have copy of NASCAR rule book. Call Marcos Ambrose for interview.
Want to combine singing and NASCAR in one career? We can help you be the one that sings the National Anthem at race tracks across the country!! Ability to sing or know the words helpful but not necessary.
Contact Bruton Smith at SMI
ATTENTION DRIVERS: Need to get your laps back? Want to be the Lucky Dog? I can arrange for “debris cautions” discreetly at your convenience. I have tunnel openings in turn 4 of most tracks. More coming soon!!
Contact me at: digger@fox.com
ATTENTION TRACK OWNERS: Need your infield grass mowed? I have reasonable rates and the most up to date 850hp equipment by Caterpillar. Available on race weekends.
Call RCR and ask for Jeff B.
Gopher Problems? Are you bothered by the frequent appearance of critters that ruin your race day enjoyment? I have a proven technique for ridding fields of competition of rascally rodents. WARNING: Extermination methods may also be accompanied by unpleasant side effects such as dramatically altering the landscape. Call Carl Spackler at 1-800-CADDY-SHACK.
HEARING AIDS ON SALE NOW! Recommended for governing body heads seemingly impervious to the needs and wishes of their fan base. For more information, email us at nativesarerestless@frustrated.com
CAN YOU HELP ME? I need a ticket out of the country. Return ticket not needed. Call Jimmy W. at 555-OOPS.
WANTED: Lucky rabbit’s foot, mojo, magic potions, anything that will change our team’s luck. Please be sure to deliver directly to me at Hendrick Motorsports, Att: Mark Martin, corner of Walk and Don’t Walk, Charlotte, NC BR549. Don’t let anybody named Junior or Jimmie sign for it, because I need it more.
The Turn Two Tradin’ Post is open for bidness from 9 am to 5 pm Monday through Friday, ‘cept for when Luther goes to lunch from 12 pm to 1 pm. Sometimes we lock up to go git the mail from 10:00-10:i5, but not on Tuesdays, when he meets up with Mayor Crook for coffee. Then he gets the mail 11:00. Sometimes we maht be closed on Wednesday on account on fishin.’ If we ain’t got any bites by noon, then we open up, ‘cept when Luther’s Stoodybaker breaks down. Then he hasta call his cousin Cletus to come git ‘im.
Maybe ya’ll should just call first.
{ 2 comments }
Great post, Mustang Jackie! Serious LOL!!!!
The girl has talent JimmyMac no doubt ! Hang on to her !!
She’s a wonderful atribute to Bump-Drafts.
Nice job MJ as usual
Comments on this entry are closed.