(Today, it’s time for a little chuckle, thanks to the keyboard and creativity of “Mustang” Jackie Smith. Tomorrow- we bring you the story of a NASCAR team mechanic affected by the recent economic hard times that have visited NASCAR)
While most of ya’ll were sippin’ eggnog, settin’ your TiVo’s for NASCAR Wives and gettin’ Amp Energy boxer shorts for Christmas from Uncle Bob, Bump Drafts News Director- the lovely and talented Miss “Mustang Jackie”- was hard at work dispatching her team intrepid reporters getting the “inside story” in NASCAR garages.
Today- we learn that even the fully-funded teams of NASCAR have issues of their own to contend with. This is what we’ve learned…..
Problems With Sponsors Plague NASCAR Teams
By: Carl Childers, Nervous Hospital Times, Dec. 28, 2008
Many NASCAR teams are facing limited or no sponsorship for the 2009 race season, but the ones with signed sponsors are having problems also.
A spokesperson for Roush-Fenway Racing, Barbi Bubbelbutt said Saturday that “Roush-Fenway does have sponsors for each of the 5 Sprint Cup Series teams, but there are difficulties.” When asked what those difficulties are, Miss Bubbelbutt declined to comment. But with further investigation, this reporter has found that since Aflac took over sponsorship on the #99 car driven by Carl Edwards, there has been numerous problems.
A engine builder, who asked to remain anonymous, said “That duck has a major ego problem. He sticks his beak into everything in the shop. And those dang feathers he drops everywhere really screws things up, especially when they get in the fuel lines, not to mention all the ducky poop on the shop floor.”
And rumors abound that employees in the body shop are not happy with UPS, sponsor of the #26 driven by Jamie McMurray. Ronald Raygun, Chief Coating Applicator says that “Since UPS insists on a solid brown paint scheme on the #26, it will look like the proverbial “Baby Ruth floating in the pool” when it goes on the track.”
Roush-Fenway isn’t the only ones with sponsor problems. There are rumors that RCR (Richard Childress Racing) has had conflicts with Caterpillar since signing them as the primary sponsor of the #31 Chevy driven by Jeff Burton.
Car builder H. V. Torquewrench said “Those guys at Cat want to replace the front splitter on the car with a dozer blade. They seem to think that will help Jeff push his way to the lead during a race.” Torquewrench also said “Jeff’s (Burton) attitude has changed. He has went from mild mannered ‘Mr. Mayor of NASCAR’ to ‘Hip Hop Bro’.” Apparently his feeling is if older brother Ward got his own song (“Ward Burton Train” by Tim Wilson) then Jeff deserves one too.
When this reporter attempted to interview Jeff, he replied ” Hip hey! hippy to tha hoppy hip hip
Gonna start rockin to tha bang bang boogey
Up jump da boogey to tha rhythm of da boogity beat
Word up yall from Richard Childress racin’
Big fast tempest is what ya’ll facin’
I’m the V I P tha man to see
Big J to tha E F F
Thirty one!! Tha man from Chevy
I’m tha one to see I’m tha killa’
Don’t mess with tha big Caterpilla!!”
One of the few teams without sponsor or contract problems is the Kellogg’s #5 Chevy to be driven by Mark Martin in 2009. But Seymour Hiney, Assistant Tool Washer for HMS (Hendrick Motorsports) said there has been friction between the #5 team and the other teams of HMS. (#48, #24 and #88) The #5 team was asked to move to the far end of the shop because of the strong smell of Ben-Gay that floats around the #5 car. Hiney said “Everyone has a lot of respect for Mark, but that ‘old man’ smell is a bit overpowering at times. And Jeff, Dale Jr. and Jimmie try to avoid coming around cause Mark has his checkerboard set up on top of the pit box and wants them to play checkers or watch him sit in his rocking chair as he gives them advice.”
Disclaimer: This is all in fun and hope you enjoy it!!!
MJ
(Credits: Story by Jackie Smith. Carl Edwards photo courtesy of Ford Racing, Jeff Burton’s came from “sidehike” and Mark Martin’s from Walter G. Arce. More of their photos are available at flickr.com)
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